my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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