Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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