she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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