kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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