I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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