I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
