I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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