Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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