I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
