I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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