i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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