Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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