yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
