For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
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My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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