She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
