Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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