K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i may or may not be watching the land before time
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
