I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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