What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
please come you make the beer taste better
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
