Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
