fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
