So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
