I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
