It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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