You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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