i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
