I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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