Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
