I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
