I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
