I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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