My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
