I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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