He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
