Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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