Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
