dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
