Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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