new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
