Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
