That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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