it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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