she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
