Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
