But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
