oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
