I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
