I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
