Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
do nipples grow back?
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