Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
