U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
