where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i was born a porn star she said
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
