So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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