yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
what is it with giant penises always finding me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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