so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
