i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
