For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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