I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
