So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My vagina just recognized that song.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
