the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
