Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I looked at my own cervix.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
