Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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