Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
