I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i was born a porn star she said
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
