I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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