i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
