Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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