Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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