the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
