Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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