i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
