i just had sex bonerless
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
