I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
